“An Unforgiving Spirit: The Enemy of a Kingdom Marriage”
Contributor Writer
M. D. Hughley
Matthew 19:3-8 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
What I have come to learn about marriage and the roles of each person involved in a marriage has revolutionized my thinking. The things that I thought and was taught about marriage kept me only focused on certain areas of my marriage, but I found out that I had overlooked an essential ingredient for the result of a lasting marriage. This key principle is so vital for husbands and wives to have the Kingdom marriages that God intended for them to have, but often times it is one of the things that is left out and ultimately hinders marital growth and intimacy. When Jesus taught about marriage and divorce in Matthew 19, he unveiled one of the root reasons why Moses allowed the children of Israel to obtain divorces in his day. It was because they had “hard hearts,” or in other words, “an unforgiving spirit.”
Forgiveness, for a Christian, “should be” a fundamental principal in which we live by, especially since we have been forgiven for so much by the Lord ourselves. It should be nothing at all for Believers to operate in mercy and grace, but that is not the case in most situations. In dealing with marriage, it is absolutely paramount that a husband or wife can humble themselves and forgive their partner when they have been hurt by them. You have to conscientiously realize that your spouse is not going to do everything the way you intended, nor are they going to always see things the way you see them. Neither you nor your spouse are “perfect,” but are rather being perfected; that’s if you are allowing the Word to develop you and change the way you think.
Having “an unforgiving spirit” is detrimental to the desire of an ever increasing relationship and intimacy between a husband and wife. I’ve learned in my marriage that forgiveness unlocks a door in marriage that only those who are willing to “walk in it” will ever experience. Your spouse releases another level of trust and openness that they would not have released if forgiveness was not a key part of your relationship. I must add that having a forgiving heart “is not” allowing another person to misuse you or abuse you, but more so it is having an understanding about the imperfections of man. Not being a forgiving person will cause trouble in any marriage, and will definitely cause each party involved to “shut down”, and also to lose all desire for an intimate relationship with their mate. It’s the enemy of “a Kingdom marriage,” and Jesus said that having a hard heart in marriage was not God’s original plan. He said, “…but from the beginning it was not so.” A lack of forgiveness will ultimately cause divorce and separation, but having a forgiving heart will lead to a marriage that is both strong and healthy in the Kingdom of God. This day I challenge you to take a look at yourself, to see if you have allowed an unforgiving spirit to enter into your life. If you find any traces of it, I pray that you will yield it to God, and allow Him to teach you how to love and forgive…like Him.